While weeding through my possessions in preparation for the eventual move to Texas, I’ve been wondering about how to prepare for social integration. I do know they prefer a more direct approach to solving problems as opposed to California’s idea of sensitivity trainings, contemplating crystals, and in the end not getting a thing done. This is especially true in the case of personal conflicts, where you are expected to feel the other person’s pain and understand his or her anger.
Texans would resolve the conflict by something like, “Do we hang him or just shoot him?” And if it’s someone they’re really ticked at they may just shoot him while he’s hanging.
So I devised a personal questionnaire to see if I’m really ready.
“How’s your shooting arm?”
“Couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn.”
“Can you barbecue an entire side of beef at once?”
“Without blowing up half the town from having no idea how high to turn the gas on the grill?”
“Do you drive a truck so big it takes up three lanes on the highway and has dualies for front wheels?”
“I drive a car that would be swallowed by the tire treads on such a truck.”
“What’s the best way to get into real trouble in Texas?”
“That I do know, wear an Ozzie Osbourne t-shirt at the Alamo.”
“What do you do when someone cuts you off in traffic?”
“Wave politely, he may be better armed than you.”
“How do you deal with strange folks from California?”ti
“Isn’t there a bounty on them? Uhmm… wait a minute, let me reconsider that answer.”