Going Buggy

With the weather warming up the most interesting wildlife around the house has come out of its Winter dormancy. The Houston area has four seasons, Winter, (which is usually between noon and 15 minutes later on January 3, a day later in El Nino years), Almost Summer, So Gawdawful Miserable The Devil Himself Would Flee Houston For Hades To Escape The Heat, and finally, Still Summer. We're in Almost Summer now. The other evening I decided to mow the grass, and discovered when the heat and humidity have picked up that the evenness of the grass after cutting takes second place to the shortest distance necessary for the mower to do the job. There's also the little factor that the size of my lawn increases with the temperature. What was a couple months ago a respectably sized lot has grown to cover at least three timezones.

But back to the wildlife. My wife and I enjoy sitting on the back porch in the evening, (with the ceiling fans going with vigor, I had wondered why the porch even came with ceiling fans until last summer, then discovered they make a huge difference in making the porch habitable in Summer). Anyway, we often have visitors of the multi-legged kind. The furry types, (raccoons, possums, skunks, usually trundle along the back wall far from the porch, and in the case of the skunks that is a good thing). The insect type prefer the porch itself.

In true Texas fashion, most of these insects are big. Really big. As in able to fly off with small children and Smart cars. My favorites are:

Walking Limb: In most places these would be Walking Sticks, critters with long, thin bodies that can be mistaken as twigs when they are standing still. Which is the intent. I saw one that was at least four inches long and could have been used to play fetch if I had a dog.

UFO Detector: I just saw this the other night. This is a rather large beetle with antenna many times the length of its body. I figure with antenna that size it can pick up FM stations in at least 38 states, monitor SETI, and provide air traffic control for Bush International Airport.

Suicide Beetles: These are brown beetles at least an inch long, that buzz with enough racket to drown out a chainsaw, then fly erratically, often colliding with nearby objects, usually my head, with enough force to leave a dent. You can tell old time Texans because x-rays of their skull reveal a surface marked like a golf ball. When the beetles hit the ground, they usually flip over on their backs, waving their legs feebly in the air. If flipped back over, they will walk a few inches, then often flip back on their backs and kick the bucket. Evolution had a sense of humor when these critters emerged.

Shelob: Lord of the Rings fans are familiar with the giant spider that thinks hobbits are a tasty treat. The inspiration for this creature must have come from seeing the spiders around here. When I go out back I usually am armed with a flamethrower in case I encounter one. That may sound a bit extreme, but a shotgun only makes them mad.