What He Wishes He Could Say

I caught part of President Obama's press conference tonight. Part of it was pushing his stimulus plan, (something that could smother us with all the pork written in). He was then asked about talks with Iran. This of course is a country run by narrow minded religious zealots with their loudmouth puppet President, Ahmadinejad being their public face. I was surprised at Obama's answer. Not so much what he said, but how he seemed lost as to what to say and was far from articulate. That had me wondering, he may have been trying to sound diplomatic, something a President must strive towards, and was afraid of saying the wrong thing. So just for fun, I imagined a press conference where the President is allowed to say what he really feels:

Mr. President, what do you intend to do about Iran? Will you still talk to them?
First we'll nuke them back to the Stone Age, then convert the survivors to Scientology. After that we can have a little chat with them.
Mr. President, when the Republicans had the majority in the House and Senate, and controlled the White House, there were many complaints about partisanship. Now that the Democrats are in charge, will there be a change to bipartisanship?
Paybacks a bitch, isn't it?
Mr. President, how well are you working with Nancy Pelosi?
And they called Bush dumb?
What will you do about global warming, sir?
Folks in the Midwest want it to hurry up and get here.
Mr. President, how would you view our relationship with the press so far?
Next question, jackass.
Mr. President, your brother-in-law is the men's basketball coach at Oregon State. Any chance the two of you could play a little one on one at halftime of a game?
Sure, just as soon as I can convince him Kobe Bryant and Lebron James really are part of my Secret Service detail and have to be on the court with me.